After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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