Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
