Umm I'm too high to move.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
