woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize