Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize