Kiss
Puke
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
