This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize