I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
