Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
