fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
jump out the window naked night went bad
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
