It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's shark week go big or go home
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
