I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
