Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
