I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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