I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize