sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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