My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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