I just cut my nipple shaving
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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