she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
