i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
