Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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