absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
