Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
