So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
