Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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