After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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