we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
