my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
