the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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