porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
