His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
