So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
