Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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