Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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