i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
