Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
