i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize