On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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