Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
