I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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