Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
