What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
