we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
