No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
