hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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