Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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