i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
