I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am naked and annoyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize