Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
