Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
