Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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