you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
