***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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