Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
