You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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