I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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