maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I AM VODKA MAN
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
