I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
