i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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