Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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